Making Love Work – Getting Intimate
Intimacy is one of the small number of things of which we all want more. Everybody is in favor of intimacy. So why does intimacy slip from our grip so easily, with the result that may couples find themselves friends rather than lovers?
Intimacy has been made to equal sex – and nothing else
Sex might be reducible to the statistics of ‘how often’ and ‘how long’, but intimacy is not so obliging. In all the sweaty passion of lovemaking, it is easy to imagine that we are genuinely close to our partner. And then men, are particularly guilty of confusing sex and intimacy and will consider their relationship to be good… even if the lovemaking is routine and unfulfilled.
Intimacy means more than that just good sex.
Even physically satisfying sex can leave both partners feeling isolated, lonely and secretly wondering whether their relationship and intimacy can ever improve.
So, what is so important about intimacy and how do we recapture it in our relationships and marriage?
- When we are intimate, we risk being vulnerabilityWhen we are open, we risk revealing something about yourself that sometimes we feel we are not ready to reveal. We feel afraid to reveal more about ourselves and this hinders intimacy. Fear of getting hurt may be almost as strong as our desire for intimacy. So, we hold back and build up our defences.Love conquers our vulnerabilities. Accepting one another breaks the fear and encourages intimacy and acceptance. When vulnerabilities are accepted, our relationship will GROW… and strengthen. Do you want that to happen? A word of encouragement… take time for this.
- Good Verbal CommunicationIn the early days of love when we are full of young love, we never stop talking. We share about our opinions on everything from music to movies and from politics to Shakespeare. After familiarity sets in or after marriage, we cut down on communication to the bare essentials – honey, what time you’re back? or what’s for dinner? – as we cross paths in the porch or kitchen. Eventually, in the gaps, we start to make assumptions. We need to get back to the rich details that taught us so much during courtship.Take time to talk to one another. Spend time talking instead of reading your favorite newspaper or watching your TV sitcom. Rekindle that first love. Get into spending time out; together in a favorite restaurant or have a walk in the park. Talk and talk and talk.
- Physical closenessThe casual touch on the arm as you make a point; stroking the neck as you watch TV; smooching and long cuddles. Sounds wonderful? But, these little gestures are just as important in themselves as sexual intercourse. Sadly, casual physical closeness is often seen as an overture to lovemaking rather than as a joy in its own right. It its understandable that both partners lead busy lives, but making an effort in physical closeness is crucial to the health of your relationship or marriage.
When one partner is always responsible for initiating lovemaking, he or she can be left wondering if their lover still finds them attractive. “I know she cares, but does she still fancy me?”
How do you make love work? Get intimate with your partner or spouse. Intimacy is crucial to prevent a couple from drifting into a friendship or even brother/sister relationship.
- Recover that vulnerability when you first met and rekindle that trust, love and acceptance.
- Recover that good verbal communication to get back to the rich details during courtship.
- Recover that physical closeness can play a major part to to show how much you care and not mere precursor to sex.
Get intimate. I know what you are thinking – sex?? No, it could lead to sex, but intimacy is MORE THAN JUST THAT. God bless!
