Sunday, May 8, 2011

Making Love Work

Making Love Work – Getting Intimate

Intimacy is one of the small number of things of which we all want more. Everybody is in favor of intimacy. So why does intimacy slip from our grip so easily, with the result that may couples find themselves friends rather than lovers?
Intimacy has been made to equal sex – and nothing else
Sex might be reducible to the statistics of ‘how often’ and ‘how long’, but intimacy is not so obliging. In all the sweaty passion of lovemaking, it is easy to imagine that we are genuinely close to our partner. And then men, are particularly guilty of confusing sex and intimacy and will consider their relationship to be good… even if the lovemaking is routine and unfulfilled.
Intimacy means more than that just good sex.
Even physically satisfying sex can leave both partners feeling isolatedlonely and secretly wondering whether their relationship and intimacy can ever improve.
So, what is so important about intimacy and how do we recapture it in our relationships and marriage?
  1. When we are intimate, we risk being vulnerabilityWhen we are open, we risk revealing something about yourself that sometimes we feel we are not ready to reveal. We feel afraid to reveal more about ourselves and this hinders intimacy. Fear of getting hurt may be almost as strong as our desire for intimacy. So, we hold back and build up our defences.
    Love conquers our vulnerabilities. Accepting one another breaks the fear and encourages intimacy and acceptance. When vulnerabilities are accepted, our relationship will GROW… and strengthen. Do you want that to happen? A word of encouragement… take time for this.
  2. Good Verbal CommunicationIn the early days of love when we are full of young love, we never stop talking. We share about our opinions on everything from music to movies and from politics to Shakespeare. After familiarity sets in or after marriage, we cut down on communication to the bare essentials – honey, what time you’re back? or what’s for dinner? – as we cross paths in the porch or kitchen. Eventually, in the gaps, we start to make assumptions. We need to get back to the rich details that taught us so much during courtship.
    Take time to talk to one another. Spend time talking instead of reading your favorite newspaper or watching your TV sitcom. Rekindle that first love. Get into spending time out; together in a favorite restaurant or have a walk in the park. Talk and talk and talk.
  3. Physical closenessThe casual touch on the arm as you make a point; stroking the neck as you watch TV; smooching and long cuddles. Sounds wonderful? But, these little gestures are just as important in themselves as sexual intercourse. Sadly, casual physical closeness is often seen as an overture to lovemaking rather than as a joy in its own right. It its understandable that both partners lead busy lives, but making an effort in physical closeness is crucial to the health of your relationship or marriage.
When one partner is always responsible for initiating lovemaking, he or she can be left wondering if their lover still finds them attractive. “I know she cares, but does she still fancy me?”
How do you make love work? Get intimate with your partner or spouse. Intimacy is crucial to prevent a couple from drifting into a friendship or even brother/sister relationship.
  • Recover that vulnerability when you first met and rekindle that trust, love and acceptance.
  • Recover that good verbal communication to get back to the rich details during courtship.
  • Recover that physical closeness can play a major part to to show how much you care and not mere precursor to sex.
Get intimate. I know what you are thinking – sex?? No, it could lead to sex, but intimacy is MORE THAN JUST THAT. God bless!

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Too often relationships end because people fail to continue to do the work. Finding the person you want to be with is only part of the story, striving to keep the spark is a never ending challenge. Follow these steps to enjoy an enduring bond with your significant other.


    • 1
      It's all about the little things. The little things add up and ultimately mean so much more than the big things. Show up unexpectedly at his/her work to have lunch together. Make dinner, do a load of laundry, or clean the bathroom so she doesn't have to. Mow the lawn for him or take out the garbage. Do something out of the norm every once in a while...or better yet, regularly to show that you care.
    • 2
      Surprises are the spice of life. Leave a note in somewhere he/she will find the pillow, or a pocket or purse. Make it romantic or sexy or humorous. Arrange for a special getaway or a couples massage. Plan a picnic on a nice day. Hop in the car and drive. Sign up for dancing lessons. Keep it interesting.
    • 3
      Be a giver. Maybe you hate chick flicks or horror movies but know that your significant other would really like to see a particular new release. Go. Go and be gracious about it. Maybe you hate sushi or Indian or Thai. Go and find something to eat.
    • 4
      Build something together. Relationships are all about making memories and a shared history. Work on a remodeling project together. Find a hobby to share. Plan and take a major trip.
    • 5
      Document it. Take pictures. Record videos. Keep a journal. Show that shared time, shared moments matter.