Hank Williams sang “your cheatin’ heart will tell on you.” But how do you know if your partner’s really stepping out? Examine these seven signs of cheating. But don’t go overboard: If you notice just one sign, don’t worry yet. But four of the seven behaviors means it’s time to talk.
The 7 signs of cheating:
Your partner suddenly starts stealing moments away from communal time. While this could just indicate hard work, it might be a cause for concern if your partner consistently and unexpectedly works late, has projects that must be worked on nights (could be odd hours) or weekends or holidays, has company functions more often or other meetings that must be attended, is going out with friends. Maybe it’s a “short” (you would think) trip to the store for soda that takes three hours, or a walk around the block (maybe walking the dog) that lasts too long.
Money is spent and unaccounted for – “If you want to play, you have to pay.” It’s a big red flag when your partner doesn’t want you to see the bills, hides the bills when they come in and only lets you know the amount (if you are the one paying), shreds the bills, locks them up in a room/file cabinet/container that you have no access to or has the bills sent to work or a post office box.
There are definite and unaccountable changes in your partner’s mood and attitude. Examples include:
There are definite and unaccountable changes in your partner’s daily routine and typical behaviors. Examples include:
There are definite changes in your partner’s communication manners. Examples are:
There are definite changes in behavior toward you – the cheater, out of guilt, can start acting mean, short, curt or otherwise abusive toward you. The cheater has a stake in doing this and making you the one at fault in order to justify the affair. Your partner might also want to find you cheating or accuse you of doing so, in order to also ease the guilty conscience. Other changes and oddities that signal a cheating partner are:
The single most telltale sign of a cheating partner? Having to ask that question in the first place. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! An intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem. “When in doubt check them out.”
How should you handle suspicions?
TRUE’s strong advocacy of openness, truthfulness and faithfulness in relationships speaks against snooping on your partner. There is no universally accepted definition of snooping, but we regard it as the deceptive and intrusive monitoring of another’s private property or activities. Rather, we suggest openly confronting your partner with any concerns of infidelity in a respectful and responsible manner. The health of your relationship is your responsibility. Affairs are usually symptoms of deeper, preexisting problems in a relationship. No sign individually is 100% indicative of infidelity – an affair is more likely when you observe the presence of all seven signs in your relationship.
Therefore, we recommend being cognizant of the seven key signs outlined above. You can deduce much about the health of your relationship without snooping. For example, be tuned in to home telephone calls when your partner has a tendency to whisper or gives a quick answer and immediately hangs up or when you answer the telephone and get an abrupt hang-up. You may want to monitor your partner for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on the car. Monitor the time your partner leaves for work and comes home. Keep a calendar and note the times; this should help you establish a pattern. If your partner claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime. Check cell phone bills to see whether a certain number has been frequently called. A good area to start looking is for the first number called when your partner first leaves for work and the same number called again right before they return home. Isn’t this snooping?! We don’t think so, because these behaviors are neither deceptive nor intrusive … and they do not violate a partner’s privacy. Cell phone bills and car mileage are bits of information that belong to the couple as a unit.
Lastly, do not think that infidelity is only a “guy thing.” In past years, men were mostly the aggressors, but with the increase of women in the work force in society today, women have become equally aggressive.