Monday, February 28, 2011

Online Dating :Top 4 Lies That Men Tell

The most important thing to consider before you misrepresent yourself online is that a woman, when you meet her in person for the first time, will feel like you've been lying to her.

If you think about what’s most important to women in a relationship, it's trust. If your online profile is full of lies, a woman will immediately not trust you. Then, regardless of how good of a salesman you might be, you will have to spend all your time convincing her that the person you really are is not a liar.

So, let's go through four of the biggest and most common online profile lies that men tell, and how each of these will backfire on you.

1- Using An Old Photo
One of most common lies men tell are through the photos they use in their online profiles. Men will often put up pictures of themselves that were taken at the peak of their attractiveness. They might post pictures of themselves weighing 20 or 30 pounds less, or with more hair.

The problem with doing this is that any woman you meet online will be expecting to meet the person she sees in those pictures -- as you look in those pictures. It really has nothing to do with “how” you look; it's simply the fact that you do not look as you portrayed yourself to look. In other words, your online profile was a lie. When you meet a woman after having posted these non-current photos of you, her first thought about you is not going to be an evaluation of your actual appearance, but rather that you are someone who wasn't honest about yourself.

What most guys do then is defend themselves. They'll tell the woman, "Don't worry, I'm going to get back into shape." Defending yourself is no way to start a date. You don’t want to be fighting an uphill battle on a date -- especially a first date. The best way to start is with a woman being excited about getting to know you and what you're all about.

So, here's what you want to do. Stay away from professional photos, as they tend to make you look like you are trying too hard. Instead, go out with a friend and have him take some current pictures of you throughout the day. That way, women can see what you really look like. Also, make sure you’re wearing different clothes in each of the photos, so it doesn’t look staged. The most important thing to remember is to have fun with this! It's your first impression (along with your online profile).

2- Lying About Your Age
Another area of where men lie on their online profiles is age. So many men dating online lie about their age because they are perpetually chasing younger women. Men who are 45 years old will say they're 39; men who are 55 years old will say they're 45.

When you lie about your age, you will only fool women until you actually meet them in person. If you say that you're 39 years old when you're really 45, a woman will know you're not 39 years old the minute you show up to that first date. She'll probably, in fact, ask you how old you really are. That's when most guys give the standard "why I lied" answer and say, "I look a lot younger than my age in person, and if you knew I was 45 you probably wouldn't have gone out with me."

Let me tell you something: If this is a 28- or 29-year-old woman who said she was looking for a guy up to age 39, then you're right that she probably won't want to go out with you again -- now that she knows you're 45.

If she stated that she was looking to meet someone only within a certain age range, then that was a requirement of hers, and not a loose guideline. She won't want to go out with you again, not only because you are not what she already plainly said she was looking for, but also (once again) because she will see you as someone she can't trust. You've already lied to her once.

If you're looking to date younger women, then online is not the place for you to find them. Meet them in person. People online want to meet people who fall within the parameters of what they specify in their online identity.

Also, what do you think lying about your age on your online profile says about you? It says that you’re not really comfortable about where you are in your life. If you're a guy chasing much younger women, it may suggest to her that you are emotionally immature.

Maybe it's time you stopped chasing the dream, and started to get real about who you are.

3- Telling Her What She Wants To Hear
When you're dating online, it’s important to be very clear about whether you want to have children, because a lot of women want to have children.

A lot of men who don't want children will check the boxes that say they are “open to children,” or “possibly want children.” They do this so they’ll be matched up with, and possibly get responses from, more women. Because so many women want children, these men think their choices will be limited if they put on their online profile that they don't want children. This is not the right mind-set.

You need to have a “people like me are abundant” mind-set. If you don't want children, date the women who also don't want children. There are plenty of them out there.

What you don't want to do is take someone on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to follow through. You’ll only end up in a mess of a situation.

It will help if you write down what you really want. Most people who misrepresent themselves on their online profiles are not really clear about what they want, or they are chasing an illusion or a fantasy. Get clear and have an “abundant” mind-set, and you will no longer feel the need to misrepresent anything about yourself.

Instead of telling women what you think they want to hear, it is always better to connect with people by being honest, and telling them where you are at this point in your life. Most women have been lied to so many times that your truthfulness will be refreshing (even if you are on different romantic paths).

4- Mirroring Her
The last way men lie on their profiles is in the way they write their profile. When you write your profile, don't write it to sound like a romance novel unless you plan to act it out.

A lot of men who are just interested in fooling around with women will write their online profile in ways that make them seem like someone who wants a relationship. They'll say that they enjoy taking long walks on the beach, or that they are "all about romance," when in reality they’re only interested in casual sex with the women they’re meeting.

If you don't want a relationship, then don't write a romance-novel-sounding profile, with which women will emotionally connect. You need to be clear about your intentions, and literally write them down. For example, you might write something like, "I'm not sure about what I want in terms of dating, right now. I'd like to meet some interesting women, date and have some fun."

This is not about making a judgment about what you do or don't want. It is just very important to be honest about whatever it is that you do want. You need to avoid taking a woman on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to accompany her.

Also, be up-front about your real interests. Do you really want to spend your days pretending you like art museums, when they bore you out of your mind -- just so you can get certain women online to like you? Here is a better alternative: Negotiate.

Tell a woman that one weekend will be all about going to museums, so she can show you her passion, but the next weekend you two will hit the beach and play Frisbee so you can show her your passion. This is a good way to bond with the woman you really like, without ever having to pretend you like something you don't. Plus, if you end up in a relationship together, there will be plenty of days when you will each do your own thing.

What A Tangled Web We Weave...
Misrepresenting yourself online says a lot about who you are as a person. Above all, it says that you are really not in touch with what you want. It also says that you don't practice “abundance” -- that you don't believe there are plenty of great women out there with whom you can connect, so you feel the need to misrepresent yourself (OK, lie) on your profile.

Whether it's about the way your body looks, your age or what you're looking for in terms of a relationship, misrepresenting yourself online will always backfire on you. You need to believe that there are tons of women out there for you to meet and connect with.

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